Jokes

 Summer vacation was over and Hasan returned back to school.
Only two days later his teacher phoned his mother to tell her that he was misbehaving.
"Wait a minute," she said. "I had Hasan with me for three months and I never called you once when he misbehaved!"


Physics Teacher: "Isaac Newton was sitting under a tree when an apple fell on his head and he discovered gravity. Isn't that wonderful?"
Student: "Yes sir, if he had been sitting in class looking at books like us, he wouldn't have discovered anything."


"If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up" said the sarcastic teacher.
After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet.
"Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?" enquired the teacher with a sneer.
"Well, actually I don't," said the student, "but I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself."


Khurram wasn't getting good marks in school. One day he surprised the teacher with an announcement. He tapped her on the shoulder and said, "I don't want to scare you, but my daddy says if I don't start getting better grades, somebody is going to get a spanking!"


"Isn't the principal a dummy!" said a boy to a girl.
"Well, do you know who I am?" asked the girl.
"No." replied the boy.
"I'm the principal's daughter." said the girl.
"And do you know who I am?" asked the boy.
"No," she replied.
"Thank goodness!" said the boy with a sign of relief.


A man in a hurry taking his eight-year-old son to school made a turn at a red light where it was prohibited.
"Uh-oh, I think I just made an illegal turn!" the man said.
"It's okay, Dad," the boy said, "The police car right behind us did the same thing."


Teacher: If I give you two rabbits and two rabbits and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got?
Anas: Seven!
Teacher: No, listen carefully again. If I give you two rabbits and two rabbits and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got?
Anas: Seven!
Teacher: Let's try this another way. If I give you two apples and two apples and another two apples, how many apples have you got?
Anas: Six.
Teacher: Good. Now if I give you two rabbits and two rabbits and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got?
Anas: Seven!
Teacher: How on earth do you work out that three lots of two rabbits is seven?
Anas: I've already got one rabbit at home now!


Sohaib's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures, tacked to a bulletin board, of the 10 most wanted men.
One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person.
"Yes," said the policeman. "The detectives want him very badly."
So Sohaib asked, "Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture?"

Riddles

There are one hundred fish in a pond. One drowns. How many are left?
Ans:  One hundred. Fish can't drown.


What has holes and holds water?
Ans: A sponge!


What goes up and never comes down?
Ans: Your age!


What did the blanket say to the bed?
Ans: "I've got you covered!"


A woman lived in a one story house. The walls were blue, the couch was blue, everything in the house was blue, what color was the staircase?
Ans: There wasn't a staircase, it was a one story house!


What sits in one corner yet travels around the world?
Ans: A stamp!


What belongs to you but others use it more than you?
Ans: Your name!


How do you wake up Lady GaGa?
Ans: Poker Face!


A red house is made of red bricks. A blue house is made of blue bricks. A black house is made of black bricks. A pink house is made of pink bricks, and a purple house is made of purple bricks. What is a green house made of?
Ans: Glass!


Where do fish keep their money?
Ans: In the river bank.


What's the same size and shape as an elephant but weighs nothing?
Ans: Its shadow.


How can you take 1 from 19 and leave 20? 
Ans: When the numbers are expressed in roman numerals. If you take I from XIX, you are left with XX.

Try Not Laugh

Cricket Jokes

The captain called the batsman into his room."We got some very tough matches coming up" he said"and I wanted to talk to you because we need someone with an Iron nerve,a strong constitution and a great skill in the side.

That's why I want you to resign."

In school, the teacher asked one of his brightest pupils to spell "bowling". Back came the answer: "B-O-E-LI-N.""That" he said "is the worst spell of bowling I have ever seen."

A slip fieldsman had a particularly depressing day during which he dropped no less than five catches all of the same bowler. After the game he was talking to the bowler when he broke of and looked at his watch. "I must go" he said "I have a train to catch." The bowler looked at him bitterly. "Let's hope you have better luck with that, then." 

The bowler had a dreadful match which cost his side the game. All week long he practiced hard for the next game. During the following match, he said to the captain. "Notice any difference?"

The captain looked at him, thoughtfully. "You've had your hair cut, haven't you?"

In the absence of the regular Umpire, the village team was making do with a local farmer, who knew nothing about the rules. After the third ball of the over, the entire field turned round with a tremendous yell of "HOWZAT!"

The Umpire paused. "Well, how would I know?" he said "His leg was in the way!"

Excuses for not doing your homework

1, A gust of wind blew it out of my hand and I never saw it again.

2, I was kidnapped by terrorists and they only just let me go so I didn't have time to do it.

3, Another student fell into a lake and I jumped in to rescue him. My homework though drowned.

4, I didn't do it, because i didn't want the other kids in the class to look bad.

5, I lost it fighting this kid who said you weren't the best teacher in the school.

6, Our puppy went to the bathroom on it.

7, Some aliens from outer space borrowed it so they could study how the human brain works.

8, I put it in a safe, but forgot the password.

9, I left it in my shirt and my mother put it in the washing machine.

10, I didn't do it because I didn't want to add it to your heavy workload.

11, My little sister ate it.

Jokes, Jokes and more Jokes!

TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America. MARIA: Here it is! TEACHER : Correct. Now class, who discovered America? CLASS : Maria! TEACHER : Why are you late, Frank? FRANK : Because of the sign. TEACHER : What sign? FRANK : The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow." TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor? JOHN : You told me to do it without using tables!

TEACHER : Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON : No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.

TEACHER : Clyde, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, teacher, it's the same dog!

TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD : A teacher.

The lukiest catch in the history of cricket

Short Jokes

What did the porcupine say to the cactus?

Ans: Is that you mommy?

What did the spider do to the computer?

Ans: It made a website!


Which letters are not in the alphabet?

Ans:The ones in the mail, of course!

What's the difference between a school teacher and a train?

Ans: THe teacher says spit out your gum and the train says "chew chew chew"!

What starts with a P, ends with an E and has a million letters in it?

Ans: A Post Office! 

What  gets wetter the more it dries?

Ans: A towel!

Call of Duty: Black Ops

Game Info
Description: The long-awaited seventh of Call of Duty. Each game in the
series contributed to the development of the genre of shooters, and the
Black Ops was no exception. Players will enjoy a dynamic single-player
campaign that tells about the events of the Cold War, as well as a variety
of multiplayer modes, both classic and new.

Game Features
- Hot Spots. Events Call of Duty: Black Ops will transfer players during the
Cold War. As part of an elite unit of soldiers will be involved in armed
conflicts around the world, particularly in Cuba and Vietnam.
- An impressive arsenal. The fighters of a special unit will have access to
the latest prototype weapon at the time, such as ballistic knives, fireworks
cartridges for the shotgun or crossbow with explosive ordnance.
- The real war. Interactive environments, thrilling story, spectacular
special effects and a great director work makes Call of Duty: Black Ops one
of the most realistic and exciting game about the war.
- Fighting and winning. In the Black Ops are presented as classic
multiplayer mode, including “Capture the Flag,” “Bomb” and “Team
Deathmatch” and a number of new, including innovative “games with
stakes.

Riddles

What has four wheels and flies?

Ans: A garbage truck.

Which three keys don't open any door?

Ans: Donkey, Monkey and Turkey.

 My father has three sons. One lives in London, the second one lives in Chicago then who is the third son?

Ans: It is me.

Why did a man throw his watch from a cliff?

Ans: He wanted to make time fly.

Try not to laugh

  

Jokes

A man had just shifted into his new apartment. When his friend asked him how it was he said "Well I love the house but my neighbours are really werid. One keeps banging his head on the wall and the other one just lies on the floor crying." Then his friend replied "Well I'd advise you to avoid them and keep to yourself." Then he said "Oh I do keep to myself. I just sit in my apartment  play my bagpipes all day long!! 

A man came home after a day of playing golf. When his wife asked him how was his day he said "Well everything was fine until Bob had a heart attack on the fourth hole." His wife exclaimed and said "That must have been horrible for you!" He replied "Yeah, for the rest of the day it was swing, drag Bob swing, drag Bob swing drag Bob.........

A man aced a putt and his ball went in the hole. His dog stood up on his hind legs and started barking. His friend who was also playing said "Wow! Does it always do that when you get a point" He nodded. Then his friend asked "What does it do when you miss the hole?" He said "It does somersaults" " Wow how many" "Depends how many times I kick it."