Hilarious Jokes

Hasan came rushing in to his Dad. "Dad" he said, "Is it true that an apple a day keeps the doctor away?"
"That's what they say" said his Dad.
"Well give an apple quickly! I've just broken the doctor's window!"


Mother: why is there a strange baby in the pram?
Daughter: You told me to change the baby.


Once there were three builders working on a building which was 11 stories high. When they were taking a lunch break the first one opened his lunch box and said "Oh!A hunter beef sandwich again! If I get an other hunter beef sandwich, I'll throw myself off this building!"
Then the second man opened his lunch box and said "AAAAA! Peanut butter and Jelly! That's the 100th time I've eaten a Peanut Butter and Jelly sandwich. I'll also throw myself off this building if I have to eat one more!"
Then the last man opened his lunch box and said "NOOO! It's spaghetti again! I'll throw myself of this building if I have to even look at spaghetti again."
The next day, the first man opened his lunch box and jumped off the building as he saw that there was a hunter beef sandwich for lunch. When the second man saw that there was a sandwich made of Peanut Butter and Jelly   for his lunch, he jumped off the building too. And when the last man saw spaghetti in his lunch box he jumped off the building as well.
During the funeral for the three men the first man's wife said "If I had known how much he hated hunter beef, I would never given it to him." The second man's wife also said " If I had known how much he despised Peanut Butter and Jelly, I would have never given it to him." Then everyone started looking at the third man's wife, expecting her to say something. Then she said "Hey! Don't look at me! He packed his own lunch!"           

People Falling Down

How to post a comment

 I just want to inform you that now the people that don't have a Google account can also comment. All you have to do is click on the word comments which comes after every post. Then scroll down in the section 'comment as'. Then choose the option Anonymous. Then write your comment (along with your name) and just press post comment. 
You can also watch the video below.

Thing you don't want to hear during a surgery

These are the Top Ten things that you Definitely don't want to hear during a surgery.  


Accept this sacrifice, O Great Lord of Darkness.


After everything we did, I can't believe this guy is still alive.


Ah, well you win some, you lose some...


"So Hasan, did you hear the news this morning?"Yeah, something about the prices of fresh organs going up..."

A screwdriver?... This can't be right.


Jack! Jack! Come back with that! Bad Dog!


Hand me that... uh... that uh... thingie.


I wish I hadn't forgotten my glasses.


An instruction manual would have been nice.



God performs miracles... I don't.  

Things to think about

How is it that one match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?


War does not determine who is right-only who is left.


Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.


Definition of children: You spend 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut up.


Evening news is where they begin with "Good evening"  and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.


A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at boxing.


I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.


Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the edge of the pool and throw them fish.


Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.


You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

The best jokes in town

On reaching his plane seat a man is surprised to see a parrot sitting next to him. He asks the air-hostess for a coffee where upon the parrot squawks "And get me a whisky you cow!"
The air-hostess, flustered, brings back a whisky for the parrot and forgets the coffee. When this mistake is pointed out to her the parrot drains its glass and shouts "And get me another whisky you idiot".
Quite upset, the girl comes back with another whisky but still no coffee. Unaccustomed to such forgetfulness the man tries the parrot's approach "I've asked you twice for a coffee, go and get it now or I'll kick you".
The next moment, both he and the parrot have been wrenched up and thrown out of the emergency exit by two  stewards. Plunging downwards the parrot turns to him and says "For someone who can't fly, you complain too much!"

School lunches are not generally popular with those that have to eat them, and sometimes with good reason.
"What kind of pie do you call this ?" asked one schoolboy.
"What's it taste of ?" asked the cook.
"Glue!" "Then it's apple pie, the plum pie tastes of soap."

Laughter, the best medicine

1.Laughter boosts your immune system



Researchers have found that laughter actually boosts the immune system,  which increases the number of antibody-producing cells. This makes us less likely to get coughs and colds.


2. Laughter relieves pain


A good laugh has been found to reduce pain. not only does it distract you from aches, but it produces an endorphin(which is a natural pain-killer) into your system that reduces the pain.


 3. Laughter helps relieve depression


Laughter has long been known to help people who are suffering from depression. Laughing reduces tension and stress and lowers anxiety and irritation.


4. Laughter lowers your blood pressure


People who laugh a lot on regular basis have lower blood pressure than an average person. When people have a good laugh, their blood pressure increases at first, but then it decreases to levels below normal. 

5. Laughter improves your breathing

Laughter empties your lungs of more air than it takes in in resulting in a cleansing effect which is similar to deep breathing. This is especially helpful for people who are suffering from respiratory ailments, such as asthma. 

6. Laughter helps you lose weight

Burning off calories by laughing might not sound as if it has much use, but a good laugh can raise the heart rate and speed up the blood flow which causes it to burn off weight.

7. Laughter reduces tension

A good laugh relieves tension and stress, leaving your muscles relaxed for up to 45 minutes. Laughter also changes your mood, a good laugh can make you forget all your worries and problems. 

So keep checking this blog to keep laughing! 

THE LONGEST LBW DECISION EVER!!!!!!!!!!!

School Jokes

Dad: Khurram this time, you have to score 90% marks in your exams.
Khurram: No dad I'll just score 100% marks.
Dad: Why are you kidding?
Khurram: Well, you're the one who started it!


Teacher: "I killed a person" Now tell me this in future tense.
Student: In future tense "You will go to jail".


Teacher: Hasan, i hope I didn't see you copying Ahsan's math test.
Hasan: I hope you didn't either.


Teacher asked Ahsan: How can you prove that the earth is round?
Ahsan replied: I can't. Besides I never said it was.


Teacher: Name two days that start with "T".
Faham: Today and Tomorrow. 


Teacher: Did your father help you with your homework?
Anas: No, he did it all by himself!


A student is sitting in an astronomy lecture in collage, when the professor mentions, " In about 15 billion years, the sun will burn out and all life on earth will cease to exist."
" Excuse me, professor, did you say 5 billion or 15 billion?"
"15 billion"
"Whew,thanks, because I was really getting worried." 

Answers

OK guys! I know you all were waiting for the answers of the riddles which were posted in "Really Hard Riddles". Now your wait has come to an end. Here are the riddles with their answers.


A boy was at a carnival and went to a booth where a man said to the boy, " If I write your exact weight on this piece paper then you have to give me $50, but if I cannot, I will pay you $50."
The boy looked around and saw no scale so he agreed, thinking no matter what the man writes he'll just lie and say he weighs more or less.
In the end the boy ended up paying the man $50. How did the man win the bet?


Ans: He wrote "your exact weight" on the paper.


A man was born 1955. He's alive and well today at age 33. How is 
this possible?
Ans: This statement was written 23 years ago. 

Jokes Mania!!!!!!

Owner to Gardener: Go and water the plants.
Gardener: Sir, it is raining!
No excuses, you can use an umbrella.


 Teacher: Ahsan name one important thing that we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
Ahsan: Me!


Teacher:  Hasan, give me a sentence starting with "I".
Hasan: I is...
Teacher: No Hasan, always say "I am".
Hasan:All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet".

Did you ever wonder?

Can you cry under water?


How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of murdered?  


If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?


Why are you IN a movie, but you are ON TV?


Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?


If you drink Pepsi at work in the Coke factory, will they fire you?


If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?    


Why does a round pizza come in a square box?


Why is that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?


How is that we put a man on the moon before we figured out  it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage? 

Really Hard Riddles

A boy was at a carnival and went to a booth where a man said to the boy, " If I write your exact weight on this piece paper then you have to give me $50, but if I cannot, I will pay you $50."
The boy looked around and saw no scale so he agreed, thinking no matter what the man writes he'll just lie and say he weighs more or less.
In the end the boy ended up paying the man $50. How did the man win the bet?


A man was born 1955. He's alive and well today at age 33. How is 
this possible?
  

The correct answers will be posted anytime next week so keep checking this blog

Really Bad English

Just listen to these guys.  

Try Not To Laugh

Watch the whole video since the beginning is boring. 

Question of the day!

Which month has 28 days?

Comment to answer

Crazy Cricket

=

Ha Ha Ha

 Ahsan, Hasan and Faham went to a party. After the party they returned to the hotel. The hotel was 600 stories high. Unfortunately for them, the elevator was not working. They made a plan for the first 200 stories, Ahsan will crack jokes.

The second 200 stories Hasan will tell a happy story and lastly Faham will tell a sad story. They then started up the steps.

After 2 hours it was Faham's turn. He turned to the others and said,"Ok guys, here's my sad story. I forgot the keys downstairs.   

A police recruit was asked during the exam,"What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?" He answered,
"Call for backup."

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson were going camping. They pitched their tent under the stars and went to sleep.
Sometime in the middle of the night Holmes woke Watson and said,"Watson, look up at the stars, and tell me what you see."  
Watson replied,"I see millions and millions of stars." Holmes said,"And what do you deduce from that?"
Watson replied,"Well, if there are millions of stars, and if even a few of those have planets. It's quite likely there are some planets like earth out there. And if there are a few planets like earth out there, there might also be life." And Holmes said,"Watson, you idiot, it means that somebody stole our tent!"

Funny Federer

Tennis Jokes

Why was the waiter good at tennis?
Ans: Because he was a good server!


What can you serve but not eat?
Ans: A tennis ball!


Which country is famous for tennis?
Ans: Tennis-see!

Soccer Jokes

Which tea do footballers drink?
Ans: Penaltea!


Which football team loves ice cream?
Ans: Aston Vanilla!

Manager: Our new midfielder cost ten million. I call him our wonder player. Fan: Why is that? Manager: Because every time he plays I wonder why I bothered to buy him! How did the football pitch end up as a triangle? Ans: Somebody took a corner! Why are football players never asked for dinner? Ans: Because they're always dribbling!

Funny Football